Go to hell.

You really are a piece of shit and a waste of space. You don't deserve the title of daddy or father. I cringe at the thought of my sweet baby boy calling you that. You are not a father to Logan. You don't set positive examples. You don't teach him anything. You don't make any time. You don't go above and beyond or out of your way. You don't even know who he really is. The only thing you DO know how to make is excuse, after excuse, after excuse. You're also pretty good at scolding Logan for no good reason.. when you actually do make time to include him in your schedule. How did I end up with such a person? How did Logan end up with such a person for a father? Out of the five year mistake of a relationship that I was in with you, Logan is the only positive. The only thing that ever filled my heart and soul with love. The only person that loved me unconditionally. And unfortunately, he is the only reason you are still in my life. I hate myself for not stepping away when I should have. It was so obvious how little you gave a shit about me when I was pregnant with our son. I was stupid enough to have hope. Hope for what? That you wouldn't have cheated on me. twice. Hope that you would have appreciated the things I would do for you, even if it was just every now and then. Hope that I would have a normal life. Fuck all of that. You don't deserve the title of a man either. A man would have said it was over with and why rather than hide so much behind his fiance's back. A man would have stepped up and been there for his pregnant, future wife. A man would have chosen to step away from his pregnant fiance as well if it wasn't working. A man would not have gone through with getting married and treat a woman like a fool. A man would not treat me or any woman like you did. I have always been taught that what goes around comes around. I don't always see that occur with people, but I've seen enough where I still have my beliefs. You have yet to "get yours" but I still stand by what I once told you.. I hope I find a man that I can spend the rest of my life with, and a man that Logan will call 'daddy' - you though are too much of a moron to realize that Logan would call someone else 'daddy' because you're not there for him. It's only naturally bound to happen.

1 year.. gone

A year goes by and it's amazing all of the things that can happen in that short span of time.. -I'm far more into debt than I was this time last year. -I have a job I'm so much happier at though. -I'm out of shitty Orlando. -I'm stuck living in a place in the middle of nowhere with a ton of trains that go by throughout the night. Can't beat the rent though, and it is a cute place. -I have much more time with my son. -I'm not doing that long ass commute anymore. -Logan's dad barely makes an effort and at this very point in time, his "schedule" with him is the least amount of time that it has ever been. With each change in his work schedule, his time with Logan becomes less and less. -The above statement is also a good thing though. Logan is better off with me more. -I have a man in my life I'm so in love with. -I just wish he'd want to move things along after almost 2 years... : ) -I'm closer to graduating with my BA in business admin! -Did I mention I'm drowning in debt? Anyway. I do have a lot more positives than negatives in my life after a year. However, the negatives are so big that they sometimes out-weigh the positives. It's still very hard to not have my family around. It would also be nice to just have a constant person here that could help me out with Logan every now and then. I'm too stubborn to ask other people (that have offered!). I must say that I feel more at home in Lakeland than I did the last year I lived in Orlando. Even though when I moved into than apartment, I had zero clue that a year later I'd be moving to Lakeland.. I still knew that apartment was just a stepping stone to wherever life was going to take me.